I don’t think I can write anymore for the time being.
In the last… while, I’ve slowed down a lot, I’ve had a bit of a mental block on writing, so the words haven’t come as easily to me. Usually, I can fight through it, but recently I’ve seen things in the fandom that repulse and downright disgust me.
I know I made a post about one such thing, the post of a bunch of pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch’s crotch bulge, about a week ago, I think. That’s just one of many things. I think that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, for me.
All the hate, and the Mary-bashing, and the dehumanization of the actors that I honestly respect and love for their work.
Not because they’re ‘hot’ or because ‘they have a nice butt.’ I have never, once viewed a man’s arse who was almost 20 years older than I am, and admired it.
I respect the work of the men and women. I want to treat them like human beings, not as possessions that we can take pictures of when they’re eating lunch in private at a diner, or chase after on foot while they’re in a car and demand a signature in the middle of traffic.
I’ve tried working past it. I’ve tried reading other fanfictions and scrolling through tumblr and just erasing that post from my mind, but nothing’s working. And every time I try to write, I just feel nauseous. I feel like I’m dehumanizing the people now, when all I want is to show respect for them and for the beautiful characters they’ve created.
This might be the end of me writing. I’m probably going to stay off tumblr, off the chat room, and just stay away from everything fandom related for a while. Maybe that will help, and I’ll be able to come back. I don’t know.
I’m sorry everyone.